Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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