dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
