I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
