you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
