Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
