I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
