he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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