come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
