another moral hangover. fuck.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
