Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
