Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
