and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
