Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
