Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
