I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
