I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
