How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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