break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
