just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can I color on your dick again?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
