that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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