just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
