I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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