The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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