Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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