We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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