I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
