You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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