ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
