Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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