Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
