the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
