you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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