Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
