why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
