He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
