apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
