her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
