By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
