thus making me awesome and them whores
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
