if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
