you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
