Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
