Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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