Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
