Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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