You work out of a Hotel?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
