definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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