I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
