the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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