So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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