Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
