you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
