How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
