After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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